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samuel_sock's Journal
Created on 2007-01-08 23:09:55 (#11994750), last updated 2009-07-08
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Basic Info| Name: | Samuel Sock |
|---|
BioBorn at an early age in the West Midlands I was left to fend for myself in the foothills of the Andes after an administrative error at the hospital resulted in my being sent via airmail to Venezuela. The local post office realised the error but ran out of packing tape and were therefore unable to send me back to the UK so I was released into the wild.
After a couple of years surviving on wild grasses and snow I was adopted by a herd of wildebeest who were holidaying in the area when they found me. The story goes something along the lines of them taking pity on me after finding me "Hiding under a shrub trying to mimic a parrot." I doubt the accuracy of this story as Wildebeest are notorious liars.
My years with the Wildebeest were a lot of fun but there are only a certain number of times you can walk back and forth across the Serengeti before the novelty wears off. Couple that with the constant attacks from lions and it's a real pisser.
I left my Connochaetes companions after they had the great idea of walking back across the grasslands again. I hooked up with a pride of leopards who were the friendliest bunch of cats you could ever meet. They didn't like lions either and although there was some rivalry between the two groups it never got nasty – besides the leopards and the lions had a common foe they concentrated on. Lions and leopards fucking hate hyenas.
Three years of my life was spent with the leopards and it was with a heavy heart I decided that it was time to move on and try something different. A decision was made to join a colony of puffins. With hindsight you should never make a puffin colony joining decision whilst drunk at a leopard disco.
I'll gloss over what exactly I had to do to find some puffins but I am not ashamed of what I did.
Puffins can seem like a strange mob at first and they can seem a little snooty but you shouldn't let this put you off. Once I had learned to fly they accepted me as one of their own. I also discovered that puffins have a very dry sense of humor and are really good a card tricks.
It was whilst living with the puffins that I had my first human contact since the post office in Venezuela. A television wildlife documentary crew happened to be filming on the island one day when they spotted me and enquired "What the fuck are you playing at?"
As luck would have it, puffins also watch a lot of daytime TV (they adore "This Morning" with Richard and Judy) so I had learned to speak in the two or so years I was with them. It was with this TV nature documentary crew that the next stage of my life journey began.
Introducing me back into human society was simple enough – I could speak pretty good English and I knew stuff about puffins, leopards and wildebeest. This got me 9 GCSEs at A grade from a state comprehensive school in the UK. I was also a media hit thanks to the footage of me with living amongst the puffins and I was encouraged to take up a singing and songwriting career. I was an international rock star and toured dozens of countries.
Sadly I never made the UK charts thanks to the public fickle attitude towards pop music. I lost out to a place in the top 10 thanks to 2 Unlimited's "Maximum Overdrive" being so popular that it took up all Top 40 spots for nearly 8 months.
My 15 minutes of fame were over and I decided to move away from the music industry into a career that best suited my background and would give me some sort of normal life and anonymity which is where I am today.
So, there you have it. I may have be a former international rock star who was raised by wildebeest, lead astray by leopards and taught English by puffins, but like you, I still have to eat food, pay rent and go to the toilet.
*Some of the above may not be factually correct but is as accurate as I could recall at the time of writing. After a heavy night on the beer.
After a couple of years surviving on wild grasses and snow I was adopted by a herd of wildebeest who were holidaying in the area when they found me. The story goes something along the lines of them taking pity on me after finding me "Hiding under a shrub trying to mimic a parrot." I doubt the accuracy of this story as Wildebeest are notorious liars.
My years with the Wildebeest were a lot of fun but there are only a certain number of times you can walk back and forth across the Serengeti before the novelty wears off. Couple that with the constant attacks from lions and it's a real pisser.
I left my Connochaetes companions after they had the great idea of walking back across the grasslands again. I hooked up with a pride of leopards who were the friendliest bunch of cats you could ever meet. They didn't like lions either and although there was some rivalry between the two groups it never got nasty – besides the leopards and the lions had a common foe they concentrated on. Lions and leopards fucking hate hyenas.
Three years of my life was spent with the leopards and it was with a heavy heart I decided that it was time to move on and try something different. A decision was made to join a colony of puffins. With hindsight you should never make a puffin colony joining decision whilst drunk at a leopard disco.
I'll gloss over what exactly I had to do to find some puffins but I am not ashamed of what I did.
Puffins can seem like a strange mob at first and they can seem a little snooty but you shouldn't let this put you off. Once I had learned to fly they accepted me as one of their own. I also discovered that puffins have a very dry sense of humor and are really good a card tricks.
It was whilst living with the puffins that I had my first human contact since the post office in Venezuela. A television wildlife documentary crew happened to be filming on the island one day when they spotted me and enquired "What the fuck are you playing at?"
As luck would have it, puffins also watch a lot of daytime TV (they adore "This Morning" with Richard and Judy) so I had learned to speak in the two or so years I was with them. It was with this TV nature documentary crew that the next stage of my life journey began.
Introducing me back into human society was simple enough – I could speak pretty good English and I knew stuff about puffins, leopards and wildebeest. This got me 9 GCSEs at A grade from a state comprehensive school in the UK. I was also a media hit thanks to the footage of me with living amongst the puffins and I was encouraged to take up a singing and songwriting career. I was an international rock star and toured dozens of countries.
Sadly I never made the UK charts thanks to the public fickle attitude towards pop music. I lost out to a place in the top 10 thanks to 2 Unlimited's "Maximum Overdrive" being so popular that it took up all Top 40 spots for nearly 8 months.
My 15 minutes of fame were over and I decided to move away from the music industry into a career that best suited my background and would give me some sort of normal life and anonymity which is where I am today.
So, there you have it. I may have be a former international rock star who was raised by wildebeest, lead astray by leopards and taught English by puffins, but like you, I still have to eat food, pay rent and go to the toilet.
*Some of the above may not be factually correct but is as accurate as I could recall at the time of writing. After a heavy night on the beer.
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